With their infamous reputation as either lethal assassins, or just stealthy folk in dark clothing, ninjas are known by just about everybody who matters. It’s rare that one can even dream of beating one of these legendary killers up, much less actually go about it. It may be immensely difficult, but it is doable.
Also, many often think to pit a pirate against a ninja, just to see who would win. The answer in this situation, is simple: the ninja. The common variable that decides who wins this contest of power and tact is dependent on how many ninjas are against how many pirates. Pirates, typically, gain power with numbers, whereas ninjas are the precise opposite. At just one ninja in its own alliance, it is at roughly 5000% general manpower. However, at two ninjas, it’s merely 150%, ending up below 70% general manpower once three or more ninjas are allied.
Have you ever noticed how, in most action and/or Kung-Fu movies, when a main character is faced in combat against hundreds of ninjas, that person tends to knock them out almost effortlessly? It doesn’t make any sense out of context. Nobody’s that skilled at taking out enemy men in those numbers! If this is the case, then they’re actual ninjas.
As a direct result of all of this, the best way to take out a ninja that you want to be taken down, is to hire people to act like ninjas, and ally them with the particular ninja that’s after you. They’ll have to be top-notch actors, as otherwise, the ninja may not ally themself with them. Another way to do this is to figure out what the ninja’s favorite food is, and have the actors give that favorite food up as an offering to said ninja.
After the ninja’s new allies have joined him or her, the ninja should now be fairly powerless (especially if there are five or more on that team). If enough are truly on that ninja’s team, the ninja might try to pull off an intense, cool-looking move in combat, but fall flat on its face, defeated without even a single point of contact with you. If this doesn’t exactly work, then you may have to walk up to the ninja, and flick the person in the nose a couple of times. That usually works, but you may have to finally resort to throwing a few punches his or her way.
If you lack the actors to help you, there is always the option to attempt to hire another ninja to fight the assassin you’re looking to target. 5000% manpower versus 5000% manpower is always an amazing fight to behold (and heck, while you’re at it, grab a video camera. That stuff should go on YouTube). Of course, this requires you know another ninja to hire to help you. But that’s easy.
Right?
Riiiiiiight?
Plus, you’ll have to assure that the ninja you hire is more skilled than the one you’re after, but that’s not usually difficult. Simply gauge this by observing the one-you-want-to-hire’s idle movements; if they take a more serious stance than the other, then you’ve got yourself a competent ninja.
Unfortunately, these are the only existing ways to beat up a ninja. Not even a gigantic laser from outer space would do the trick. Trust me, I’ve tried. Or maybe not. But if you have managed to do the others, chances are, that ninja is down and out… Okay, that’s when you can fire the gigantic laser from outer space at it, if you so desire. Have at it.
Once the ninja is down, you merely have one more thing to do before you’ll be the only person on earth to be able to put a boot to a ninja’s, and pirate’s neck: beat up a pirate. After this is done, you can officially proclaim yourself to be the best at said activity. A toast to your potential success!
… Maybe.
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